Leaving home to come home again

I see myself running across the green, freshly mowed grass, blue sky above, lauchning into the arms of my friends and family in South Africa at Refilwe. I long to finally come home after many months of absence and a marathon of organizing, planning, preparing and getting ready. I have missed this home very much and I can´t wait to go back. Soon, very soon.

But going back home, also means leaving home. I have been away from my german home several times now and I decided to go again, fully aware of the cost. I mostly coped really well with being away, but this time it seems more permanent. That is fine too. I am really happy with this next step with butterflies of excitement in my stomach. Nevertheless, when I think about my goodbye I realize that I haven´t had the time between my return from the worldtrip and my departure in may to see all my friends and family. There are so many lovely, important people spread across Germany that I am privileged to call family and friends, that I could make my way to all of them or give them enough oppurtunities to come see me. The prospect of not seeing them for another 2 or 3 years feels like a heaviness. And even with the people I got to together several times during the last months, it still feels like it wasn`t enough time to catch up, reconnect and simply be friends...

So basically, I am battling with the question, how can I be home in two (or more) places. Then again, I already am, whether I want to or not... I am just not sure, I am doing it right or whether there is a "right" way to do it. Do I try to connect my homes or do I live purely in the moment, wherever I am at present?

So, dear friends and family in Germany: I love you a lot and I am sad to leave you. Please be gracious with me, as I am trying to say goodbye, always continuing to be a daughter, sister, grandchild, niece and friend, preparing for my second home and trying to stay in contact,...

Dear South African friends and family: I love you and I am overly joyful to come and share day to day life with you again. Help me to fully settle and be gracious when my heart and mind seems a bit torn in between two worlds.

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